I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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