Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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