So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
