Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize