This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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