Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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