you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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