He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
