Your dad touched me again.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
