I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
