I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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