Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
