the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
