No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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