I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
