the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
