I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
