she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
