Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
