eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
