wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Floor bacon is actually really good
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
