Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize