how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
