Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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