I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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