Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
