two words: eviction party
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
