I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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