Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
