I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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