you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
