I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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