So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
