Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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