Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Green mimosas i think yes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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