I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Naked. naked and bneed help.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
