I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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