I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
