When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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