So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
