non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
