He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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