So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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