OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Soap is not a condiment
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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