I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will be naked everywhere
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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