I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
