Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
pop tarts are not kleenex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
