so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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