"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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