Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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