Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
