there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize