Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
