I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
