Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
