I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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