I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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