Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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