My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
