It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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