he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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