you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
