Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
