We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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