I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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