Whod you bang
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Houston, we have a blender
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
