I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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