Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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