I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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