Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
